April Horoscopes, Comic, and Crossword
By Miriam Sossin
HOROSCOPES:
As we approach the end of Aries season, let these horoscopes and the -bangers- that accompany them keep you sane and bring us together during this crazy time.
BIRTHDAY: If you were born on April 16th, then today is your birthday! Listen to “Birthday” by the Beatles on repeat until you feel older.
ARIES (mar. 20-apr. 18): It may feel like you’re “Falling” this month. Hold on to certainties to ground yourself, like how Harry Styles can’t write a bad song.
TAURUS (apr. 19- may 20): Any T-Swizzle bop can get you through Quarantine, but let yourself grow and “Change” this month, and know that our situation will too.
GEMINI (may 21-june 20): It may feel like nothing’s in your control, but remind yourself that this is “My Life”! Listen to Billy Joel and take charge this month in the ways you can.
CANCER (june 21- july 22): Set reachable goals this month. “Nobody’s Perfect”, and we know this is true because Hannah Montana said it.
LEO (july 23- aug. 22): Not everything has a “Happy Ending”, take it from MIKA. But with every unhappy ending comes an opportunity for a new joyful beginning.
VIRGO (aug. 23-sept. 22): Get to know yourself this month. Tell your family or your phone that “i need to be alone” sometimes, or that you need to be alone and listen to girl in red. Either works.
LIBRA (sept.23-oct. 22): Take time to be grateful, and sing that “I’m Alive” (Aaron Tveit sounds pretty good doing it)! Celebrate what you have this month.
SCORPIO (oct. 23-nov. 21): Sometimes you feel “Totally Fucked”, and that’s okay! Work through things that don’t go your way with the help of Spring Awakening this month.
SAGITTARIUS (nov. 22-dec. 21) : George Ezra has the voice of an angel, but he’s “Only a Human”, and so are you. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself this month, not everything has to be extraordinary.
CAPRICORN (dec.22-jan. 19): “I want to Break Free”. We get it! But no matter how much Queen inspires you, be strong! Find ways to go outside of the box while staying inside your house.
AQUARIUS (jan. 20-feb. 18): Life seems to be extra “Ironic” this month. Try to laugh at the weirdness, and if that doesn’t work you can laugh at Bo Burnham.
PISCES (feb. 19-mar. 19) : No matter how “Perdus” you feel, let a new show, a friend to face time, or yourself be your guardian Angèle this month.
COMIC:
A CROSSWORD THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE FOR A TIME THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
Crossword Answers:
1.yawning 2.glacier 3.existential 4.banana 5.inside jokes 6.aladdin 7.Home Alone 8.plans 9.Buzz Aldrin 10.six 11.essential 12.netflix 13.social 14.zoom 15.memes 16.plague 17.corona