Ask the Plant
By Beatriz Neves
Arts and Culture Editor
Dear The Plant,
Am I ugly?
The (Ugly?) Duckling
Dear Potential DUFF,
To find out if you are ugly, here is what you’ll need: A mirror, some clothes and very good vision. Did you put on your contact lenses? Good.
Next, dress in your favorite clothes. Something that enhances the best part of you. Are you clothed? Great.
Now, look at yourself in the mirror. Does it hurt your eyes? Yes?
That means, and I’m sorry to say, you’re an eyesore. Chances are... You’re ugly.
Your face certainly isn’t for everyone. Your body most likely does not fit the media’s body standards; otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be asking me if it hurts to look at you. You probably have a nose, an eye or maybe a mouth that is slightly crooked or that drifts a little to the left. But, then again, everyone kinda does.
If you don’t feel good with the way you look, you can try to fix it . That’s why people created makeup and plastic surgery. The only downside is that, as Beyonce warned us, pretty hurts. Besides the countless badly performed surgeries, the recovery is probably super annoying.
Maybe you also don’t have the money to do any of that, because let’s face it: if you had money you probably would already have done those things. So, we mortals must rely on the DIY beauty tips, skin care routines and homemade hair massages…ones that have only a 50% chance of actually working. A little advice though: beauty tips are not tips on how to be beautiful. Beauty tips are for those who already possess beauty. If you are, in fact, hopelessly ugly, maybe explore potential paths towards reincarnation.
There’s also the option to follow Christina Aguilera and Alessia Cara songs: accept yourself and your ugliness, even though that idea might seem unattractive even for certain members of this very newspaper. Make your peace with your face, body and weird feet. Maybe your look is not for the majority of people, but I am sure someone out there disagrees... Like your mother?
Still, you can always say that you are beautiful on the inside, instead of out. After all, external beauty has an expiration date. Old age seems to only work for George Clooney. Or for actors preserved in formaldehyde like Jennifer Anistion and Tom Cruise. On the other hand, inner beauty has the potential to get better with age.
Ultimately inner beauty enhances your external beauty. So, maybe if you focus more on being good, people will not notice your ugliness.