Dr. Seuss’ Drunken Rambling After a Marital Affair

By Isabella Blu Ptito-Echeverria

Voices Editor

“You’re a nose-picker, head-splitter, tooth-breaker, shit-eater!”

A finger pointed like the metal bat of some beer-bellied wife-beater.

Yet it’s me she’s yelling at, with her foul-breathed, baseball brat of a tongue singing ghastly words, just for fun

But she ain’t wrong,

I’m a head-splitting, tooth-breaking, shit-eating cheater.

The scene is so cold I’d buy some sweat by the litre

The rose-scented witch I was with didn’t like me either

I try to feel bad--

I’m like a child on a seesaw when I see her

the weight back and forth, from leg-to-leg, it teeters

Who made it so playgrounds were built?

To let our wild-child out with no guilt?

It’s a facade, because at the slightest tilt

You’ll find yourself balls-deep in a rose-scented, world-shattering, divorce-inducing aether.