By Miriam Sossin
As Scorpio season comes to a close and we enter that of Sagittarius, the passion and excitement of October and the last month of nice weather vanishes into the cold stress of November. As the days get darker, hopefully these joke-ful horoscopes brighten your day!
BIRTHDAY: Hey November 14th babies! Now that you’re old enough, you should know it’s scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you, so be cautious and have a good one!
SCORPIO (oct. 23-nov. 21): What do you call a chip that doesn’t belong to you? NACHO chip! Treat yourself to some nachos this month but remember that not everything out there is yours for the taking.
SAGITTARIUS (nov. 22-dec. 21) : What did the other lions say to Simba when he was falling behind? Mufasa! Be sure to not procrastinate too much this month, if you fall too far behind you’ll be stampeded by your work.
CAPRICORN (dec.22-jan. 19): November moves pretty fast, so don’t overthink every little thing this month, just consider: What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
AQUARIUS (jan. 20-feb. 18): A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. You never know what might happen to you this month, so take a moment to appreciate what’s around you.
PISCES (feb. 19-mar. 19) : What did the 0 say to the 8? Where’d you get the belt? Ask more questions this month, you might be surprised by the answers you get.
ARIES (mar. 20-apr. 18): Get in touch with your spiritual side this month and don’t be afraid to try things you first think are bizarre. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
TAURUS (apr. 19- may 20): November is the month to explore new ways of going about the mundane things in your life, pretend you’re discovering a new planet! Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
GEMINI (may 21-june 20): Why don’t Scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. Don’t make excuses this month, work hard and earn the relaxing winter break that awaits you.
CANCER (june 21- july 22): What do you get when you take the “Cinna” out of “Cinnamon? Mon!! Don’t take yourself too seriously this month.
LEO (july 23- aug. 22): There’s a new restaurant called Karma, there’s no menu, you just get what you deserve. Take a friend, or an enemy, and go out for lunch sometime this month!
VIRGO (aug. 23-sept. 22): Don’t be afraid to do something ‘basic’ this month, some things are popular because they’re fun! And Virgos, you need some fun. How do you drown a hipster? Throw them in the mainstream!
LIBRA (sept. 23-oct. 22): Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” Shouts the bartender, “We don’t serve your type here!” This is an example of discrimination and we must take away the message that all types should be accepted, except arial, arial is unacceptable in all cases and should get out of my bar.