Section by Riley Siemens
The Signs and Their Year at Dawson
Aquarium (January 20 - February 18)
If you’re an aquarium, don’t put two betta fish together - unless you want a fight club! No matter how many people tell you that you should sway one way, ride your own wave. You’re a strong, independent betta.
Pieces (February 19 - March 20)
Heard you sniffling in the gender-neutral bathroom… Hey. Chin up kiddo because your moon is circling Jupiter or something and that means things are on the up in up. That thing you’ve been worrying about, consider it solved. I got you.
Air (March 21 - April 19)
Everyone seems to think it’s the DSU who runs the school, but really, it’s YOU! YOU ARE DAWSON. You’re edgy, you’re diverse, and you’re situated between de Maisonneuve and Sherbrooke, killing it since 1969. #BleedBlue
Tortuous (April 20 - May 20)
Considering flexibility isn’t your forte, you should consider taking yoga as your 102. Also, you know you should stop spending all your hard-earned cash money in the cafeteria - do you really want that fry cone?
Jiminy Cricket (May 21 - June 20)
Everyone knows Gemini is the sign of the two twin things so the real question you have to ask yourself this year at Dawson is are you more of a Mary-Kate or an Ashley? Cole or Dylan Sprouse? Or if you weren’t a privileged child with Disney Channel, are you a Fred or George Weasley? Either way, have a nice start to this semester.
Polio (June 21 - July 22)
I know you’re sensitive. That’s alright, sugar plum. Go into Dawson without any expectations, except for corn roasts - those are fucking awesome, that way you will never get let down.
Leonardo Dicaprio (July 23 - August 22)
Just like they say, vanity killed the cat. No one really said that, but our Curiosities editor did. That’s me. Anywho, get excited for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, starring Leonardo Dicaprio.
Vertigo (August 23 - September 22)
Much like the song “Vertigo” by U2, YOU SUCK! You sound like a Liberal Arts student - No one likes Liberal Arts or Bono. I hope everyone has a good school year at Dawson, except the Virgos!
Zebra (September 23 - October 22)
You guys are about balance; I’ve never seen a zebra on a tightrope, but that would be a sight. #BleedBlue. You should recommend the hit film Madagascar (2005 Film directed by Tom McGrath and Eric Darnell, including the voices of Eddie Murphy, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and the guy from Friends) in your film theory class.
Scorpion by Drake (October 23 - November 21)
Did you know Drake is a Scorpion? Anyway, you have a passion for fashion, but I’m sorry to break it to you but ovo isn’t high fashion. The left side of the escalator is for walking bub- be passionate about that.
Spaghetti (November 22 - December 21)
Uh oh spagehettio… Tuesday might not be your day. But always remember, the spaghetti pot is always half full. Don’t sweat it about this school year, you’re almost done - don’t forget, today’s the last day for course drop.
Pop-corn (December 22 - January 19)
Ambition. Intuition. Ignition (Remix). Now I’m not trying to be rude, but hey pretty girl I’m feelin’ you. This school year is gonna give you that toot toot. The Plant will give you that beep beep.