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September Horoscopes and Comic!

by Miriam Sossin

Wake up and smell the overpriced new books! Summer is over and school is back in session! Virgo season is coming to an end and we’re ready to welcome in the time of Libra, so keep your eyes on the prize and work for what you want, but always balance that hard work with a break, find a cozy spot and read the plant!


BIRTHDAY: You get older each day and today we’ve decided to congratulate you for it, so congrats! Enjoy some cake, unless you’re one of those weirdos that doesn’t like cake in which case I’m not sure if I can really wish you a Happy Birthday and mean it.


VIRGO (august 23-september 22): Pay attention! Your time to shine is coming to an end! Take these next few days to pull out all the stops, be your most enthusiastic and intense self, and remember that you don’t have to be perfect! It’s much more interesting to mess up sometimes.


LIBRA (september 23-october 22): Only 30% of what gets put in the recycling actually gets recycled, so next time you buy an ice tea at starbucks rinse out the cup! Take this not-so-fun fact as a reminder that not everything that enters your life is going to work out, and that scrubbing past the surface of a person can be useful before you throw them into your bin.


SCORPIO (october 23-november 21): The beginning of the school year is the perfect time to use your charisma and make some new friends! But don’t pretend to want to be friends with people just because this wise horoscope told you to, do it because you want to. Let your pincers fly Scorpios!


SAGITTARIUS (november 22-december 21) : Your adventurous self is ready to take on the next challenge! Join a Club! Start a Club! Teach me what Astrology is! Take on something new and exciting this month, something that you can look back on and think, ya, that wasn’t the worst thing I could’ve done with my time.


CAPRICORN (december 22-january 19): Life is like the Atrium at Dawson. Everyone is forced to go through it every day, it’s always overwhelmed with people you’re trying to avoid and singular people taking up group tables. You have to make important decisions like which side of the cash to line up on, and there are occasional shining moments when there’s a nice seat by the window or there’s no crowd by the escalators. Its Chaos! Our job is to find a way to navigate it, and this month it’s your job to start making the map.


AQUARIUS (january 20-february 18): Time for some tough news baby aquas, that person that’s drifted away, they’re not coming back. Look back on the time in your life when they were there and think, huh, that was a good time, but it was not the be-all end-all of good times. Appreciate those around you now, go have a great time and make new even better memories.


PISCES (february 19-march 19) : It’s time to check on that old cheese at the back of the fridge. It’s expired and we both know it, throw it out and take a closer look at what else in your life might be going bad. Don’t waste your love and attention on things that are stinking up your life!


ARIES (march 20-april 18): Take Initiative! In this time of distress, dilemma, and delirium (school), you have to lead the way! Wake up early! Be excited for class! Make the library less depressing (please) ! Eventually people will realize that they can’t beat you, so they’ll join you!


TAURUS (april 19- may 20): You spent the spring celebrating your birthday season and now it’s time to do some Fall cleaning. The new school year is a chance to start off organized, so Marie-Kondo your room, your binders, and your mindset because yesterday’s tomorrow is today.


GEMINI (may 21-june 20): It can feel like every small decision might tear you apart, but just think that even Chidi makes up his mind every once in a while! And if he can then any one can, even you. However if you didn’t get that reference and thus haven’t seen The Good Place, stop everything you’re doing. There is now only one important decision to make and that is to watch it, you’re welcome.


CANCER (june 21- july 22): Be weary of the people holding open doors for you. What are their true intentions? “Good” actions can be selfish, and “Bad” actions can have more to them than you think. So don’t judge the actions of those around you too quickly this month, open the door to new perspectives!


LEO (july 23- august 22): Use your leadership skills to help those around you and fight for what you believe in. But life is not a DIY, don’t be afraid to get help from others! Things might not turn out the way you planned it, but unplanned events with good people are what life’s all about.

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SINCE 1969