Kayla Friedland
Contributor
i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i found out that you didn’t love me
on that day, i spoke cinnamon sugar into my own wretched spine
one that had concaved for you
one that had danced in the wind and climbed the globe’s carnivorous edges
the one that ate me alive
the world that took me by the wrist and gripped it so tight i thought i meant something to it
until i realized that all i could offer was a honeysuckle tongue
sweet sweet words with no destination
i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i found out you could
never
love me
for possibility tasted like the trickling blood beneath the skin on my back
for hope tasted better than all of the honeysuckle songs i could sing
i have woken up day after day, tracing you into my bed frame, telling my bed sheets how good you are
you are sweeter than anything i’ve ever known
you are all of my complexities and the parasite that reaps within my soul
you are everything and nothing all at once
i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i found out that my life’s most beautiful thing
did not even want to be
a part of it
i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i shouted your name into the void
and begged you to come home
i realized i was a worthless paradox the day you named me
the day you assigned me the role of the place taker
the peacemaker
the lover who would never
know your love
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