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worthless paradox

Kayla Friedland

Contributor



i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i found out that you didn’t love me

on that day, i spoke cinnamon sugar into my own wretched spine

one that had concaved for you

one that had danced in the wind and climbed the globe’s carnivorous edges

the one that ate me alive

the world that took me by the wrist and gripped it so tight i thought i meant something to it

until i realized that all i could offer was a honeysuckle tongue

sweet sweet words with no destination

i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i found out you could

never

love me

for possibility tasted like the trickling blood beneath the skin on my back

for hope tasted better than all of the honeysuckle songs i could sing

i have woken up day after day, tracing you into my bed frame, telling my bed sheets how good you are

you are sweeter than anything i’ve ever known

you are all of my complexities and the parasite that reaps within my soul

you are everything and nothing all at once

i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i found out that my life’s most beautiful thing

did not even want to be

a part of it

i realized i was a worthless paradox the day i shouted your name into the void

and begged you to come home

i realized i was a worthless paradox the day you named me

the day you assigned me the role of the place taker

the peacemaker

the lover who would never

know your love


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